There’s a difference between politely asking what pronouns someone would like you to call them by, and walking up to someone and going “are you a booooy or a giiiiiiirl????” (Which, as well as rude is problematic in that it implies that boy and girl are the only two options.)
A lot of people have no idea that there are more than two genders, though. Not that it excuses perfect strangers asking that question without needing to know, but why would you ask if a person belongs to a third gender if you have no idea such a thing even exists? Just saying. :)
It’s polite to ask what gender pronouns someone prefers. Asking if someone’s a boy or a girl is problematic. They don’t necessarily identify as either. Besides that it’s just rude.
i think strangers asking such questions is very rude, if it was a close friend/relative and they asked about something in a more polite way then you can let that go a bit, they might just want to know about someone they care about, but for people who are just walking down the street, what business is it of theirs – none. and if they’re doing it out of curiosity, it is pathetic that people would want to know something so personal just so as they can ‘see something different’ or think it is some sort of entertainment, i have found strangers are generally the rudest people around when it comes to people they don’t know, they think they can ask whatever they want and say whatever and it doesn’t matter, but it does.
Oddly enough it never bothered me when I got asked this question, because it was better than being misgendered. But the cis-priviledged mentality that transfolk should have to make their privates public prior to anything short of voluntary depantsing, does set one’s blood to boiling.
It is rude to ask someone just to sate your curiousity. If you need to know for a reason beyond just being curious or bothered by not knowing, then it is okay to ask how they identify.
Transdar – the latest app for Google Specs. God help us all. :/
My mother has a friend who was transitioning when the two of them met, so she was being referred to by her preferred name and her given name all the time. This confused my mother so much, she finally asked her if she was a man or a woman. So it’s not always rude, unless you’re being asked by a perfect stranger. I’ve been given to understand that asking which pronoun to use is the polite way to ask, if one needs to ask at all.
Just out of curiosity, is it normal for people to get sired/ma’amed by people in the States? It just seems awfully formal to me. Or maybe Icelanders are just that informal, I dunno. ^_^;
Thought it was suggested to ask what someone identifies as
There’s a difference between politely asking what pronouns someone would like you to call them by, and walking up to someone and going “are you a booooy or a giiiiiiirl????” (Which, as well as rude is problematic in that it implies that boy and girl are the only two options.)
A lot of people have no idea that there are more than two genders, though. Not that it excuses perfect strangers asking that question without needing to know, but why would you ask if a person belongs to a third gender if you have no idea such a thing even exists? Just saying. :)
You wouldn’t ifyou didn’t know. But then, what reason do you have to ask a perfect stranger about it?
It’s polite to ask what gender pronouns someone prefers. Asking if someone’s a boy or a girl is problematic. They don’t necessarily identify as either. Besides that it’s just rude.
Its a great way to loose some teeth!
i think strangers asking such questions is very rude, if it was a close friend/relative and they asked about something in a more polite way then you can let that go a bit, they might just want to know about someone they care about, but for people who are just walking down the street, what business is it of theirs – none. and if they’re doing it out of curiosity, it is pathetic that people would want to know something so personal just so as they can ‘see something different’ or think it is some sort of entertainment, i have found strangers are generally the rudest people around when it comes to people they don’t know, they think they can ask whatever they want and say whatever and it doesn’t matter, but it does.
Oddly enough it never bothered me when I got asked this question, because it was better than being misgendered. But the cis-priviledged mentality that transfolk should have to make their privates public prior to anything short of voluntary depantsing, does set one’s blood to boiling.
In the same boat as Anon here. If you aren’t sure what pronouns to use, why is it rude to ask? Is it just the wording of “are you a boy or a girl”?
It is rude to ask someone just to sate your curiousity. If you need to know for a reason beyond just being curious or bothered by not knowing, then it is okay to ask how they identify.
Transdar – the latest app for Google Specs. God help us all. :/
My mother has a friend who was transitioning when the two of them met, so she was being referred to by her preferred name and her given name all the time. This confused my mother so much, she finally asked her if she was a man or a woman. So it’s not always rude, unless you’re being asked by a perfect stranger. I’ve been given to understand that asking which pronoun to use is the polite way to ask, if one needs to ask at all.
Just out of curiosity, is it normal for people to get sired/ma’amed by people in the States? It just seems awfully formal to me. Or maybe Icelanders are just that informal, I dunno. ^_^;
It actually happens way more than I personally am comfortable with, but.. Yeah, its normal to use gender-specific formalities like these.